What Do You Run to Before You Run to God?

After nearly thirty years of counseling, there’s something I’ve noticed about myself and about the people who sit across from me. In the hard moments, we usually don’t stop and think. We react.

A stressful email shows up. Your spouse says something that cuts. Your child is struggling, and you don’t know how to help. An intrusive thought creeps in out of nowhere. You feel lonely, or ashamed, or afraid. And within seconds, before you even realize what you’re doing, you’ve already reached for something.

Maybe it’s your phone, food, work, scrolling, a snap of anger, or another episode you don’t even really want to watch. Maybe you start fixing and planning and controlling everything you can get your hands on, just so you feel like you have some say in the outcome.

Those reactions aren’t random. They reveal where we’ve learned to look for safety. Every single one of those reactions tells you exactly where you’ve learned to run for safety. The Bible has a name for this. It calls them false refuges.

We Were Made to Seek Refuge

Here’s something I want you to sit with for a second. Every person on this earth is looking for a safe place. That’s not a flaw in us. That’s how God wired us from the beginning.

So the real question was never whether you’d go looking for refuge. You will. We all will. The question is where you’re going to look for it.

David understood this better than almost anybody in Scripture. Over and over in the Psalms he says things like, God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. And again, in You my soul takes refuge. David wasn’t living some easy, carefree life while he wrote those words. He was being hunted. Betrayed by people he trusted. Rejected. Genuinely afraid for his life. And yet, time after time, he made the same choice. He ran toward God instead of running away from Him.

What Exactly Is a False Refuge

A false refuge is simply anything we lean on to give us what only God was ever meant to give.

What often surprises people is this… It usually isn’t something obviously sinful. Most false refuges actually start out as good things. Relationships. Success. Money. Being productive. Rest. Working out. Learning. Even ministry. Even family.

The trouble starts the moment those good things become the place we go looking for our security, our identity, our peace, our hope. Anything that quietly slides into the seat that belongs only to God has become an idol, whether we meant for it to or not.

Jeremiah put words to this a long time ago. My people have committed two sins, he said. They have forsaken Me, the spring of living water, and dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

That’s exactly what a false refuge is. A broken cistern. It promises relief, but it was never able to hold enough water to actually satisfy a thirsty soul.

How This Shows Up in Ordinary, Everyday Life

Most people aren’t bowing down to some carved statue in their living room. Our idolatry today is a lot quieter than that. It sounds more like this.

If I can just control everything, I’ll finally feel safe. If everyone approves of me, I’ll be okay. If I just stay busy enough, I won’t have to sit with what’s actually hurting. If I can get one more person to reassure me, maybe this anxiety will finally let up. If I can just avoid the conflict, everything will stay calm.

The behaviors are different, but the heart underneath them is remarkably similar. We’re looking for peace somewhere other than God.

Trauma and False Refuges Go Hand in Hand

I’ve watched this happen in counseling for years. A lot of these false refuges didn’t start out as idols at all. They started out as survival.

A child who grows up in chaos learns to control everything around her because that felt like the only way to stay safe. Somebody who was deeply rejected learns to people-please, because disappointing anyone felt unbearable. If you’ve been badly hurt, you learn to avoid getting close to people at all. Someone living in anxiety learns to chase reassurance because uncertainty feels dangerous.

None of that surprises me. Those responses made sense at the time. They probably helped you survive something painful. But here’s the hard truth. What once protected you can slowly start keeping you from trusting God. That refuge that felt so necessary back then quietly becomes the thing you depend on now instead of Him.

Please hear this… God never shames us for our wounds. Never. But He does lovingly invite us to stop building our whole lives around coping strategies that were never built to carry the weight of our souls. They weren’t designed for that. Only He was.

Every False Refuge Overpromises

Every false refuge makes the same promise, ‘Come to me, and I’ll make you feel safe.’

And for a little while, it seems to work. Scrolling distracts you. Food comforts you. Busyness numbs you. Control gives you the illusion that you’ve got a handle on things. People pleasing keeps rejection at bay. Reassurance calms the anxiety, for a moment.

But only for a moment. The relief always fades. So we go back for more. And then more again. Before long, we’re not just using these things anymore; we’re depending on them completely.

Isaiah gives us something so different. In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. God’s invitation has never been temporary relief. It’s always been a lasting refuge.

Jesus Is the Better Refuge

Here’s what I love about the gospel. It doesn’t just point out all our false refuges and leave us standing there feeling exposed. It hands us something better.

Jesus never promised us an easy road. He promised us His presence. He said, come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Notice what He didn’t say. He didn’t invite us to distraction or to execute more control. He didn’t even say come to success or seek out certainty. He said, come to Me.

Our greatest need was never a better coping mechanism. It has always been a closer walk with Christ.

Learning to Run to God Instead

This isn’t a switch you flip overnight. It’s a habit you build one decision at a time.

The next time you’re overwhelmed, pause and ask yourself a few honest questions. What am I looking for right now? Where does my body want to run automatically? What am I hoping this thing will give me? And is this pulling me closer to Christ, or further from Him?

Those questions reveal what your heart is trusting.

Then, on purpose, turn toward God instead. Open your Bible before you open social media. Pray before you start problem-solving. Sit quietly with Him before you reach for the next distraction. Call someone and ask them to pray with you instead of carrying it alone.

You aren’t doing these things so God will love you. You’re doing them because He already does. This is simply learning to come home to the One who has loved you all along.

The Safe Place You’ve Been Searching For

Every false refuge eventually lets you down, because it’s asking you to put your eternal hope in something that was only ever temporary. Only Christ can carry that kind of weight.

He isn’t just a place you visit when everything falls apart. He is the refuge you were made to live inside of every single day.

The world will keep offering substitutes: success, comfort, veiled certainty, and the appearance of control. None of it can give your soul what it’s actually looking for.

God already can.

Run to Him.

He has always been the refuge you’ve been looking for.

FAQ Section

What is a false refuge according to the Bible?

A false refuge is anything we trust to provide the security, peace, identity, or hope that only God can truly give. Even good things can become false refuges when they take God’s place in our hearts.

Can good things become idols?

Yes. Relationships, success, comfort, money, family, ministry, and even knowledge can become idols when we depend on them more than we depend on Christ.

How do I know if something has become a false refuge?

Ask yourself where you instinctively turn when you feel anxious, lonely, ashamed, or afraid. If you consistently run to something before you run to God, it may have become a false refuge.

What does the Bible say about God being our refuge?

Throughout Scripture, God describes Himself as the refuge for His people. Passages like Psalm 46:1, Psalm 57:1, Proverbs 18:10, and Nahum 1:7 remind believers that true safety is found in Him rather than in temporary comforts or worldly security.

False Refuges